The Five Strategies You Need to Manage Your Emotions

Emotional regulation can feel a lot like Dr. Bruce Banner trying to manage the Incredible Hulk. Like the Hulk’s strength, our emotions can sometimes feel overwhelming, unpredictable, and uncontrollable. It can be like having a confusing, forceful, even fierce beast within us desperate for a release.
  Research suggests that individuals skilled in emotion regulation tend to have better psychological well-being. Psychological well-being means feeling good about ourselves and having a healthy mind. When we have psychological well-being, we feel good about who we are and can handle difficult situations without getting too stressed out. Emotion regulation skills are also crucial for building and maintaining healthy relationships.

James J. Gross, a psychologist widely recognized for his pioneering work on emotion regulation, defines emotion regulation as the processes through which individuals influence which emotions they have, when they have them, and how they experience and express them. In other words, emotional regulation is about mastering the art of acknowledging and understanding our feelings and having a set of strategies to manage them. Just like we might use tools to fix something, emotional regulation helps us handle our emotions when they get too intense or overwhelming. 

The Five Strategies of Emotion Regulation:

Gross developed a five-step model called the “Process Model of Emotional Regulation”. It includes the situation (what happens to us) and how we immediately feel about it. Then, we have regulation strategies we use to manage what feelings come up for us. 

Choose The Situation or Not

It’s a simple strategy. Sometimes, we can choose to engage with specific situations that influence our emotional experiences. This strategy, also called Situation Selection, can be helpful if a particular environment consistently triggers negative emotions; we can proactively avoid it.

a) Example 1: If you know that crowded and noisy places trigger feelings of anxiety and overwhelm, you can choose to avoid crowded events or opt for quieter environments to regulate your emotions effectively.

b) Example 2: If you're feeling stressed and overwhelmed at work, you can proactively select a lunch break activity that helps you recharge, such as going for a walk in nature or engaging in a calming hobby.

c) Example 3: If you notice that specific social media platforms make you feel down or cause you to make comparisons, you can limit your exposure or choose to avoid using those platforms altogether, focusing more on activities that bring you joy or fulfillment.

Change The Situation

Formally known as situation modification,  another way we can change our emotional response is to alter aspects of a situation. We can make adjustments to enhance positive emotions or reduce negative ones by changing the environment or seeking support within the environment. 

a) Example 1: If you're feeling shy and have to attend a social function, you can change the situation by reaching out to a friend or loved one to arrange a social gathering, preparing 3 conversation starters, and setting a goal to have one meaningful conversation.

b) Example 2: If a particular task at work is causing significant stress, you can modify the situation by breaking it down into smaller, more manageable steps, seeking assistance or mentorship, or delegating certain aspects to alleviate the pressure.

Change What We Attend To In the Situation

Changing what we pay attention to, Attentional Deployment, as a strategy involves redirecting our attention to influence our emotional state. We can redirect our attention or find an activity to distract ourselves temporarily.

a) Example 1: When feeling anxious while giving a speech, you can redirect your attention to a non-threatening audience member or even an inanimate object in the back.

b) Example 2: If you find yourself ruminating on negative thoughts after hearing bad news, you can shift your attention and choose to temporarily engage in a creative activity such as painting, playing music, or writing to redirect your focus and promote a more positive emotional state.

c) Example 3: When experiencing overwhelming emotions, you can shift your attention to the present moment by practicing focusing on your breath, your five senses, or the thoughts & feelings you have by observing them without judgment.

Change What & How We Think about the Situation

Cognitive Change involves “changing” our thoughts or interpretations to regulate our feelings. We notice how we think about situations or ourselves, consider the meaning we give them, and then try to change it. We might notice that we are having unhelpful negative thoughts, so we challenge them and replace them with positive and realistic ones. In doing so, we can manage our emotional experiences.

a) Example 1: If you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk or self-criticism that sounds like “I’m never going to achieve my goals,” you can challenge those thoughts by consciously reframing them with more positive and realistic statements, like “ It takes time to achieve big goals and I’m taking it one step at a time” focusing on your strengths and achievements.

b) Example 2: When facing a setback or failure, you can reframe the situation as an opportunity for growth and learning, shifting your perspective from self-blame to self-compassion, acceptance, and resilience.

c) Example 3: If you tend to catastrophize or make assumptions, like “ She must think I’m crazy because….” it can make you feel suspicious, angry, or down! However, you can challenge those cognitive distortions by asking yourself for evidence supporting the negative thoughts and considering alternative, more balanced interpretations. That may sound like, “I’m noticing I’m jumping to a conclusion here. She never said I’m crazy. Maybe I can ask her what she really thinks!”

Change Our Response to the Situation

Response Modulation involves noticing and changing our emotional expressions and physiological responses (how our bodies feel). If we feel our blood boiling, heart racing, mind spinning, hands sweating, or the like, techniques like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and even stepping away for an exercise break can help calm intense emotions and promote a more balanced state.

a) Example 1: When feeling angry or frustrated, you can practice deep breathing exercises or engage in physical activities like jogging, yoga, or boxing to release tension and help you feel calm!

b) Example 2: If you're experiencing anxiety or stress, you can use progressive muscle relaxation techniques, where you systematically tense and relax different muscle groups to promote relaxation and reduce physical symptoms of stress.

Remember, these examples are meant to illustrate the application of emotional strategies, but the effectiveness of each strategy may vary depending on individual preferences and circumstances. Experiment with different techniques and find what works best for you in regulating your emotions. Just like Dr. Bruce Banner, the alter ego of the Hulk, we absolutely can learn to use strategies to manage our emotions in healthy ways.

Gross, J. J. (2015). Emotion regulation: Current status and future prospects. Psychological inquiry, 26(1), 1-26.

Gross, J. J. (2008). Emotion regulation. Handbook of emotions, 3(3), 497-513.