3 Ways to Protect Your Relationship from Job-Related Stress

Job Related Stress has INCREASED since 2019.

In 2021, the American Psychological Association’s (APA) Work and Well-being survey revealed that “Nearly three in five employees (59%) have experienced negative impacts of work-related stress in the past month, including a lack of interest, motivation or energy (26%), difficulty focusing (21%), and a lack of effort at work (19%)”. The survey measures work related stress, workplace experiences and employee expectations regarding employer mental health provisions. Another significant outcome from the study revealed that two out of five people are more likely to change jobs in the next year— an increase from 2019. The survey also found that 71% of those experiencing stress throughout their work day were three times more likely to desire to seek employment elsewhere in the next year. Three significant factors influencing workload stress included, low salaries heavy, workloads and unrealistic job expectations. The presence of discrimination influenced a person’s decision to stay or go also.

“Those who say they have experienced or witnessed discrimination in their current workplace are more than twice as likely as those who haven’t to say they intend to seek employment outside of their company or organization in the next year (68% vs. 33%).

When we are stressed from our jobs, we can take it home in unhelpful ways. Stress is likely to have a pernicious effect on the emotional balance of interactions with spouses or partners.

When we are stressed from our jobs, we can take it home in unhelpful ways.

Bad Mood Spill Over

We can “collect” negative experiences that happened during our work day and then bring them home. If we do not find healthy outlets, we can find ourselves repeatedly dishing our frustration, impatience, and irritability at home, even though these feelings originated earlier at work. Even worse, if we have negative core beliefs about ourselves we can project them onto our partners.

Less Quality Time with Partner

Sometimes, “work” becomes the subject brought up walking through the door at home, at the dinner table, relaxing on the couch, and just before bed. When this repeats for days or weeks, the stress you feel about work can cause feelings of annoyance, irritability, bitterness, or resentment in your spouse, particularly when it sounds more like complaining.

At other times, particularly when we are concerned about our job performance or security, we may become so worried that we extend our work to family/partner time. This can look like staying at the job later or going in earlier than regularly scheduled work hours, working while at home, or missing important events with your partner due to a work related activity.

One Partner Ends up with More Home Responsibilties

If we are missing in action at home due to working more or we are so emotionally spent that we are too tired to do anything at home, we can create problems with our partners. because the other partner may feel frustrated for picking up the slack.

Job Stress can create opportunities for greater connections with our partners and ourselves.

Talk About It

Perhaps obvious? But just venting it out about work can be very helpful. Carve out the first fifteen minutes of your time home to vent it out. Ask for undivided attention and talk about it.

Plan to schedule it if needed.

For example,“Yes, I'm stressed about work; but I can not talk about it now. Let’s talk about it Friday at 7 pm.” Then, keep that commitment and give it a clear endpoint.

Partners often offer a valuable perspective. Encourage sharing observations about how stress is impacting the relationship. Both partners may need emotional or practical solutions to the stress. Lending a nonjudgmental listening ear or going for a run are emotional coping solutions. A practical coping solution may be having a tough conversation with a coworker or boss.

If you find engaging with your partner after work difficult, it may be better to take a few minutes to yourself to decompress from the day before reengaging. Why? One study from Haverford found that social withdrawal may help protect the family from the direct display of stress. Either way, open up and talk about it with your partner. By communicating honestly, you can safeguard your relationship from the effects of your work.

Maintain Rituals of Connection (or Create New Ones!)

It’s normal for job stress to affect relationships. Taking time to reconnect and engage in enjoyable activities together can help take the edge off both people. While maintaining healthy stress-busting strategies like exercise is wonderful, it is even more beneficial when shared with another person. Consider the activities you used to share before work affected your relationship. If it is too hard to do the activities you used to do because of work, use this as an opportunity to find new ways to engage with one another. Plan a picnic at home if you can’t get to a park. Spend an extra few minutes talking before going to bed. Make their coffee in the morning. Practice sharing what you appreciate about your partner during the day. Make time to intentionally connect in a way that is meaningful to you both. Just because work is stressful doesn’t mean home has to be too!

Ask For Help

Identify the problem creating stress for both partners. Sometimes, it takes stepping away from an intense moment and working through strong feelings to communicate what is needed effectively. Be specific about what you need. For example, “ I am overwhelmed trying to handle these tasks and I want additional help with chores during the week,” or “I am hopeful that my work environment will change for the better and I would like six months to see if this new management will handle matters differently.” Consider options available for handling that problem. Brainstorm as many possibilities as you can. Can cleaning be done at a different time or do we need to hire a housekeeper? At the end of six months, what happens? Would more training at work help? Who could I ask who can offer that training? Communicate plans with your partner often and consider their point of view.

If you are having managing the stress of your work or finding support, consider asking for professional help from a counselor. Counseling can help identify individual and interpersonal challenges influencing your work/life balance.

References

Repetti, R., & Wang, S. W. (2017). Effects of job stress on family relationships. Current opinion in psychology, 13, 15-18.

American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Work and well-being 2021 survey report. American Psychological Association. Retrieved May 14, 2022, from https://www.apa.org/pubs/reports/work-well-being/compounding-pressure-2021