9 Strategies to Make Any Transition Easier
I remember deciding to move away to college. Just under 2,000 miles away from home.
I was excited and ready for a new change. The first two years went swimmingly well; but, I started to feel homesick by the third year and I missed seeing family more regularly. Moving closer to home became more appealing ,even though I had been enjoying my time. With an established routine and network of friends, I stuck it out two more years and decided to attend graduate school about an hour away from childhood home. I applied, got accepted, and was at the top of the world. When my parents told me that they would be moving to a new state (also about 2,000 miles away) the fall after my graduation (and my subsequent start to graduate school) ….my heart dropped.
Two more years away from the people I loved the most and primary support system.
Have you ever experienced anything like this? You think life is going one way…but then it abruptly changes forcing you to adapt and course correct as best you can.
Why are transitions hard?
Our brains are pattern-making machines. They create patterns from past experiences in order to help us anticipate future circumstances with more favorability while also preparing us for negative or threatening events. When we are faced with new circumstances, our brains don’t do the best with uncertainty. In 2013, two researchers from the University of Wisconsin- Madison studied the link between uncertainty and anxiety and stated the following:
“Uncertainty diminishes how efficiently and effectively we can prepare for the future, and thus contributes to anxiety. Uncertainty about a possible future threat disrupts our ability to avoid it or to mitigate its negative impact, and thus results in anxiety. “
In other words, uncertainty about future threats is incredibly disruptive because we don’t have a rubric that helps us to prepare for what to expect. Sometimes, we react in ways that aren’t helpful because we feel unsafe. There are five ways our brain causes us to react when it senses danger:
1. We are likely to OVERESTIMATE the likelihood of a threat and its impact.
2. We pay MORE attention to threats and our fight/flight/freeze system goes into hyperdrive.
3. We can AVOID thoughts and feelings that remind us of the threat
4. We FORGET experiences where we’ve overcome a similar threat
5. We are more alert and REACTIVE when we feel uncertain about the threat.
How to make transitions easier?
They also reinforced previous theories about anxiety and suggested the following:
Lean into the anxiety. Try to become more tolerant of uncertainty. Give yourself the chance to embrace something new. See what you’ve got. Have you just moved and you haven’t explored the neighborhood yet? Do the unfamiliar roads seem scary? Sometimes, we avoid things because it feels safer. Ex. I don’t have to worry about getting lost by going the wrong way if I don’t drive. However, you also do not learn that you can trust yourself (or the gps!) to get to your destination safely. Expose yourself to newness in doses you feel comfortable with. Ex. If a potential new friend asks you to a dinner party but you don’t feel comfortable yet, try going out for coffee one on one instead.
Don’t rely exclusively rely on feelings to determine how things will turn out. Our feelings are great indicators and give us helpful information; however, our feelings can lead us to react in unhelpful ways, especially when we are under stress, as discussed earlier. So, when you have been out of work for six months and you choose to not go to the interview because you think it would feel like a waste of time—reconsider. Why? Because there are other good things that come from it like , interview experience, and identifying your needs and wants in a position— oh! and potentially getting the job!
Look indicators that you are safe. When beginning new activities like volunteering or sports, people commonly fear not being able to connect with others there and so they avoid going. The implicit belief is that “new situations or people are unsafe”. In these cases, looking back at previous times you’ve connected well with others you didn’t know or had fun at a new activity can be great ways to remind you that you are safe! If you are going hiking in Houston and you are concerned about bears, take time to investigate whether bears are in your area. (Bears are found in West Texas and the Big Bend Area). Environmental safety signals are reliable indicators that threat will not occur, and thus relieve individuals from a state of anticipatory anxiety
Notice if you are looking for things to go wrong. If you’ve had a new baby and you struggle putting the baby to bed one night, you may be tempted to focus on what you’ve done wrong and be more sensitive to bedtime routine going wrong the next time. This is called attention bias. However, it can be tempting to predict that the next time you feed the baby you will be unsuccessful as well. This is called interpretation bias. Because something went wrong in one setting…we can assume it will go wrong in another thing related to the same setting. These are not true and it is important to be aware of this unhelpful thought pattern.
Understand Your Stress Level. Literally, write down each stressful event that has happened to you. It will help keep things in perspective for you. More often than not, we’ve experienced more than we realize and it takes its toll over time increasing the possibility for illness when unaddressed. Check out the Rahme Stress Scale.
Test your Predictions- Ask yourself a few questions and take time to consider their actions. Consider likelihood of a given event happening or not happening"- Ex. If I get a divorce, my life will be over. Ok, so in a sense the life as you previously knew it will be over but You will still be breathing. Ex. 2. If I lose my job, my family will starve.
What Do I Expect to Happen?
How will I Know if my Predictions will come True? What evidence is there to support my prediction?
Did my Prediction come true? What was the Outcome?
Look for the Positive. No matter how small it is, find something to be grateful for. Can you see a flowering tree outside your window? Are you supporting your spouse through a move? Did you meet someone new? We don’t want to minimize any negative feelings here. It is important to validate when we are feeling unsettled, fearful, sad or worried. However, there may be small things that bring us positive feelings that we recognize for just a moment. It’s important to acknowledge these too.
Make your environment as favorable as possible- Think of ways to make your environment work for you. Can you add a candle? Do you want to redecorate? Can you add a family picture or a clock? Is there someone you can talk to to help relieve the work load? Would it be possible to arrange a different schedule? Sometimes, a little can go along way.
Find Healthy Outlets- Engaging in previously enjoyed hobbies and connecting with trusted friends are great ways to combat stress in new situations. Practicing mindfulness or prayer and engaging in exercise, maintaining a healthy diet and sleep schedule are other ways to help manage stress. Do you have a friend who offers a listening ear or gentle advice who may be an additional support? If you or your partner do not have an outlet for stress or are having difficulty during this transition, it may be time to seek out a counselor for additional support.
"A lot of people resist transition and therefore never allow themselves to enjoy who they are. Embrace the change, no matter what it is; once you do, you can learn about the new world you're in and take advantage of it."
-Nikki Giovanni.
References
Grupe, D. W., & Nitschke, J. B. (2013). Uncertainty and anticipation in anxiety: an integrated neurobiological and psychological perspective. Nature reviews. Neuroscience, 14(7), 488–501. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn3524
